This probably won’t be a very long entry, since I don’t know how well I can process it in my head, let alone in words. But it’s pretty confusing to me (thus the entry title). It’s just a very weird feeling to have.
It’s just…have you ever felt the need to talk to someone, but then when you’re with them you don’t know what to say? Or the desire to be around someone, but then when you’re around them you have no idea how to react? Wanting to do something for others, but not knowing what it is? I’ve been feeling something like that sporadically, and I don’t know what it means, if it means anything.
It’s a feeling kind of like anxiety, but not quite. It’s not fear, or sadness, or anger…I’m not sure about joy, because I haven’t felt real joy in such a long time. It doesn’t feel like joy, but it’s been so long, how would I know? It isn’t guilt, because I’m not having any of the associated physical feelings. Those, as we were taught at Menninger, are the five primary emotions, and all other feelings are subsets of those, so I’m not sure what I’m feeling.
I don’t know that I have ever felt like this. Maybe it’s just a result of living around people I’m close to and actually being emotionally connected to for so long. Is this familiar to anyone else? Does anyone else have any idea what I might be experiencing? Am I just having a bizarre episode?