Crossing the Line

Today is likely to be a very short entry, mostly because I am not sure there is much I can say. Last night, I managed to overstep my bounds with not one, but two friends. As I have asked for, they both called me on it, and there’s not much more I can say about it while respecting their privacy. I’m feeling kinda lousy today, for a combination of several reasons, but a large part of that is that I feel like I let my friends down through my actions. This is one of the worst parts of knowing you’re overprotective, but never quite knowing exactly where the line is – when you cross it, as you almost certainly will, you feel pretty crappy when you realize it.

As much as I wish I had someone or something else to blame, this one – well, both of them – are all on me. There are things I could have done better, and I know that now. At the moment, though, barring a time machine, all I can do is apologize, hope my apologies are accepted, and try not to make the same mistakes in the future. Not an exceptionally fun moment for me. That’s what’s been on my mind since last night, and I’ve apologized to both of them; now I just have to wait for this really unpleasant feeling to go away. 

If you’re a friend and you feel like I have overstepped a boundary or crossed the line with you in the past, or am doing so now, I want you to tell me. I can’t easily see where that line is, which is a crap excuse but a true one, and if you don’t tell me, I can’t work to not do that again. It may make me feel lousy for a bit, but I would prefer that to once day having a friend tell me they can’t be around me because I keep crossing a line.

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2 comments on “Crossing the Line

  1. Laurel says:

    I say let go of what happened- conveyor belt it out. You have taken appropriate action. To further traumatized yourself over this us unneeded, unhelpful, and produces undue suffering for yourself. We are all working on knowing lines to cross of some sort, so you are not alone in this. Awareness is the first step, and I think you are on your way, on a fruitful path.

  2. AV says:

    Laurel is dead-on. Friends forgive, and things move on. That you feel bad is a great sign of the depth of your friendships. Besides, feeling in general is better than no feeling at all, right? It may not be a fun feeling, but it is a step in the right direction. And when things click again (and they will) you might even be able to enjoy a moment of contentedness.

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