Today is likely to be a very short entry, mostly because I am not sure there is much I can say. Last night, I managed to overstep my bounds with not one, but two friends. As I have asked for, they both called me on it, and there’s not much more I can say about it while respecting their privacy. I’m feeling kinda lousy today, for a combination of several reasons, but a large part of that is that I feel like I let my friends down through my actions. This is one of the worst parts of knowing you’re overprotective, but never quite knowing exactly where the line is – when you cross it, as you almost certainly will, you feel pretty crappy when you realize it.
As much as I wish I had someone or something else to blame, this one – well, both of them – are all on me. There are things I could have done better, and I know that now. At the moment, though, barring a time machine, all I can do is apologize, hope my apologies are accepted, and try not to make the same mistakes in the future. Not an exceptionally fun moment for me. That’s what’s been on my mind since last night, and I’ve apologized to both of them; now I just have to wait for this really unpleasant feeling to go away.
If you’re a friend and you feel like I have overstepped a boundary or crossed the line with you in the past, or am doing so now, I want you to tell me. I can’t easily see where that line is, which is a crap excuse but a true one, and if you don’t tell me, I can’t work to not do that again. It may make me feel lousy for a bit, but I would prefer that to once day having a friend tell me they can’t be around me because I keep crossing a line.