Well, after a day spent rock-climbing and furniture shopping, my arms feel like they are made of Jell-O, I am ready for my daily blogging. It’s both intimidating and exhilarating finding apartment furnishings; this is my first apartment that will be in my name, and aside from this temporary housing at the step-down, it’s my first apartment since my senior year of college in 2002. I’ve never lived alone. It’s kind of a scary prospect; one of my biggest goals on moving in is to make the apartment as welcoming as possible, so people will want to visit and spend time at my place.
So, aside from that baring of my soul on housing matters, I suppose it is time to continue on my quest for gratitude.
First, I am grateful for being able to get my own place. It’s a huge step for me, one I haven’t ever felt like I was able to take before. I’ll be living on my own for the first time. Hopefully, I’ll be able to spend time with friends, and have them come over to spend time with me, often enough to keep me from feeling isolated. Isolation is one of the biggest signs of my depression, so I’ll have to see if my friends and other supportive people can watch out for those signs and let me know if they see anything concerning. I will also have to be transparent enough to let them see the signs.
I am grateful for having people around me willing to be my support system. I know that being close to me can be hard on others, because it involves watching me and trying to make sure that I am not concealing signs of depression. It is partly because I know being close to me involves so much work that I feel such a debt to my friends. They choose to stick with me even though it can be really painful, and so I owe them no less; I’m grateful to those people who take up that weight.
Finally, I am grateful for the ability to get out and try new things, even if I am scared of them. Today, I went rock-climbing for the first time; granted, it was indoors, so it was on a rock wall, but it was still kind of a scary experience, but fun. This coming Wednesday, I’ll be going speed dating, which terrifies me; I’ve never even been on a date before, which is odd at 33 years old, but even though it is panic attack-inducing, it is something I’ll be trying.
As for a positive experience from the last 24 hours, I suppose I might as well go with the rock-climbing theme. I went to Texas Rock Gym, and spent a couple hours learning how to climb correctly, how to belay for a partner, and then climbing with my new roommate, who moved in earlier this week. He’s a nice guy, and I don’t know much about him yet; I wonder how much I’ll get a chance to know him before I move out. He was the only person who chose to come rock-climbing today with me, and that was a pretty cool thing to do, though I know many people had good reasons to not go. It was a good way to spend a couple hours, and it was a cool new experience, one I won’t forget.
Again, on the rock-climbing theme, that was how I got my exercise today; my forearms and calves hurt right now, and I am sure they will hurt more tomorrow. I got a good chance to meditate on the way back from the rock gym, because there was a train crossing, and it was really slow; it gave my a good 7-8 minutes to relax, close my eyes, and breathe.
As for a message to someone I am grateful to, I sent a message out to someone I knew from Menninger who was a cool person to be around; she was a good person, and I wish I knew that she was OK.
Tomorrow is another day, and we’ll see what tomorrow brings.