Love Languages

So today, in one of our groups at the step-down, we were discussing how we each most appreciate receiving, as well as giving, love and affection. We have done this before, though I think the first time was before I started writing this. It seems there are five categories of love and affection – words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch/intimacy.

Words of affirmation are just verbal compliments, appreciative or encouraging statements, and ways to express your care vocally. Quality time is time spent with your friends or loved ones, being close and having each other’s attention. Receiving gifts is just that, receiving material goods showing that you were being thought of. Acts of service are just doing something, menial task or grand organized party, for a friend. Finally, physical touch is also obvious – being physically affectionate for or intimate with someone you care about. There’s actually a quiz to determine which you place most highly; I will recreate it here.

The Five Love Languages Quiz (an online copy can be found here)
Select the one you prefer most of your two options, the one that fits the best right now.

1. I like to receive notes of affirmation.                                                                                      A
I like to be hugged.                                                                                                                            E

2. I like to spend one-to-one time with a person who is special to me.                          B
I feel loved when someone gives practical help to me.                                                        D

3 I like it when people give me gifts.                                                                                            C
I like leisurely visits with friends and loved ones.                                                                   B

4 I feel loved when people do things to help me.                                                                   D
I feel loved when people touch me.                                                                                            E

5 I feel loved when someone I love or admire puts his or her arm around me.          E
I feel loved when I receive a gift from someone I love or admire.                                    C

6 I like to go places with friends and loved ones.                                                                   B
I like to high-five or hold hands with people who are special to me.                              E

7 Visible symbols of love (gifts) are very important to me.                                                 C
I feel loved when people affirm me.                                                                                            E

8 I like to sit close to people whom I enjoy being around.                                                  E
I like for people to tell me I am beautiful/handsome.                                                          A

9 I like to spend time with friends and loved ones.                                                              B
I like to receive little gifts from friends and loved ones.                                                     C

10. Words of acceptance are important to me.                                                                    A
I know someone loves me when he or she helps me.                                                       D

11. I like being together and doing things with friends and loved ones.                     B
I like it when kind words are spoken to me.                                                                          A

12. What someone does affects me more than what he or she says.                          D
Hugs make me feel connected and valued.                                                                          E

13. I value praise and try to avoid criticism.                                                                          A
Several small gifts mean more to me than one large gift.                                                C

14. I feel close to someone when we are talking or doing something together.     B
I feel closer to friends and loved ones when they touch me often.                             E

15. I like for people to compliment my achievements.                                                          A
I know people love me when they do things for me that they don’t enjoy doing.     D

16. I like to be touched as friends and loved ones walk by.                                                  E
I like it when people listen to me and show genuine interest in what I am saying.     B

17. I feel loved when friends and loved ones help me with jobs or projects.           D
I really enjoy receiving gifts from friends and loved ones.                                             C

18. I like for people to compliment my appearance.                                                        A
I feel loved when people take time to understand my feelings.                                  B

19. I feel secure when a special person is touching me.                                                  E
Acts of service make me feel loved.                                                                                       D

20. I appreciate the many things that special people do for me.                                D
I like receiving gifts that special people make for me.                                                     C

21. I really enjoy the feeling I get when someone gives me undivided attention.      B
I really enjoy the feeling I get when someone helps me make decisions.                     D

22. I feel loved when a person celebrates my birthday with a gift.                            C
I feel loved when a person celebrates my birthday with meaningful words.         A

23. I know a person is thinking of me when he or she gives me a gift.                    C
I feel loved when a person helps with my chores.                                                          D

24. I appreciate it when someone listens patiently and doesn’t interrupt me.     B
I appreciate it when someone remembers special days with a gift.                          C

25. I like knowing loved ones are concerned enough to help with my daily tasks.      D
I enjoy extended trips with someone who is special to me.                                                B

26. I enjoy kissing or being kissed by people with whom I am close.                      E
I enjoy receiving a gift given for no special reason.                                                       C

27. I like to be told that I am appreciated.                                                                        A
I like for a person to look at me when we are talking.                                                  B

28. Gifts from a friend or loved one are always special to me.                                  C
I feel good when a friend or loved one touches me.                                                    E

29. I feel loved when a person enthusiastically does some task I have requested.      D
I feel loved when I am told how much I am needed.                                                               A

30. I need to be touched every day.                                                                                    E
I need words of encouragement daily.                                                                              A

Totals:         A:                     B:                     C:                        D:                           E:

A. Words of Affirmation
B. Quality Time
C. Receiving Gifts
D. Acts of Service
E. Physical Touch

 

For me, my primary love language is quality time. I just enjoy being around the people I care about; we don’t have to be doing anything specific. At 12 out of 30, it is the highest category of love language for me; the next one, at 8, is acts of service; I like to both do things for others I care about, and have them do the same to me. I’m often uncomfortable with compliments and affirmations, but I think actions are just more honest. I think that is certainly true for some other people I know; compliments are uncomfortable, or feel disingenuous, but acts of service are genuine. After that for me is words of affirmation at 5, because while compliments may be uncomfortable for me, I still like to know that people have good things to say about me. Finally, I have receiving gifts at 3 and physical touch at 2; I like to give gifts, but I don’t place a huge value on getting them from others, and I have never been big with physical intimacy.

I think this is a cool topic, because finding out these things from other people who are important to you can reveal some very crucial information. If you assume those around you have the same love languages as you, you might be confused when they don’t react to things the way you would; finding out that they value can improve a friendship or other relationship. Knowing how your friends and loved ones will react best to affection seems pretty important to me. So, feel free to take the test. If you want, leave the results here, or share them with those you care about. Maybe something good will come out of it.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s