Today has been a pretty interesting day, thus the blog being so late. My parents drove down to Houston from St. Louis; they started yesterday, and got here today. They brought down a bunch of things to help make my apartment a bit homier – like a blanket knit by a friend of mine, some framed pictures of friends and family, books, movies, my TV, my desktop computer, some pots and pans, a blender… oh, and a car.
Yes, sports fans, now I have a car, with which to lay waste to the thoroughfares and byways of Houston. I can now transport myself, instead of having to rely on friends to take me places. Before this week, I had been taken places by the staff of the step-down program, but for this week I have had to rely on the kindness of friends. I love my friends, I really do, but I can only imagine that it is a pain to have to transport someone all the time.
I know that is a silly concern, because my friends are good people, and they offer to drive me places because they like me. But it still sticks in the back of my mind that I am being a burden to them somehow. It’s nonsensical, but there it is. Now, with my own car, I can take myself places, and take others places (especially places it is my idea to go), and we can give reciprocal rides. Problem solved, eh?
It’s not a trust issue, because I trust my friends completely. I just don’t like feeling like a burden, even if I am not actually a burden. I already feel like I owe my friends a great deal, I don’t want anything else unbalancing the scales. Again, nonsensical, because I would imagine that if you asked my friends, they would say they don’t feel I owe them (well, except for the ones I do owe money – sorry, I’ll get that right to you, honest), and might even say that they feel they owe me. Weird relationship stuff, right?
Speaking of relationship stuff, it’s been over a month and a half since I told a friend I had feelings for her. That probably doesn’t seem long, but it sure has felt like a long time, and I think being able to face those feelings, and realize they aren’t going to be returned, has gone a long way towards making them dissipate. I don’t know, though; is it normal for feelings to fade so quickly? Granted, there was never any kind of romantic relationship, so there was nothing to build on, but I wonder. Would having thoughts of someone else be considered a rebound? It seems my love life is confusing even when I really don’t have one.
In any case, it’s late, and I have to rest up for tomorrow so I can drive around Houston singing along to my iPhone, something I haven’t been able to do since February. It’s the little things.