Today has been a pretty interesting day, thus the blog being so late. My parents drove down to Houston from St. Louis; they started yesterday, and got here today. They brought down a bunch of things to help make my apartment a bit homier – like a blanket knit by a friend of mine, some framed pictures of friends and family, books, movies, my TV, my desktop computer, some pots and pans, a blender… oh, and a car.
Yes, sports fans, now I have a car, with which to lay waste to the thoroughfares and byways of Houston. I can now transport myself, instead of having to rely on friends to take me places. Before this week, I had been taken places by the staff of the step-down program, but for this week I have had to rely on the kindness of friends. I love my friends, I really do, but I can only imagine that it is a pain to have to transport someone all the time.
I know that is a silly concern, because my friends are good people, and they offer to drive me places because they like me. But it still sticks in the back of my mind that I am being a burden to them somehow. It’s nonsensical, but there it is. Now, with my own car, I can take myself places, and take others places (especially places it is my idea to go), and we can give reciprocal rides. Problem solved, eh?
It’s not a trust issue, because I trust my friends completely. I just don’t like feeling like a burden, even if I am not actually a burden. I already feel like I owe my friends a great deal, I don’t want anything else unbalancing the scales. Again, nonsensical, because I would imagine that if you asked my friends, they would say they don’t feel I owe them (well, except for the ones I do owe money – sorry, I’ll get that right to you, honest), and might even say that they feel they owe me. Weird relationship stuff, right?
Speaking of relationship stuff, it’s been over a month and a half since I told a friend I had feelings for her. That probably doesn’t seem long, but it sure has felt like a long time, and I think being able to face those feelings, and realize they aren’t going to be returned, has gone a long way towards making them dissipate. I don’t know, though; is it normal for feelings to fade so quickly? Granted, there was never any kind of romantic relationship, so there was nothing to build on, but I wonder. Would having thoughts of someone else be considered a rebound? It seems my love life is confusing even when I really don’t have one.
In any case, it’s late, and I have to rest up for tomorrow so I can drive around Houston singing along to my iPhone, something I haven’t been able to do since February. It’s the little things.
The Inner Limits 
Completely normal, and downright healthy! It would be less normal if, after hearing that the feels weren’t shared, you kept on having them and pining. This is great, doesn’t lessen the feels you had earlier, and makes it much easier to be, well, friends!
Also, woo car! Is it your old SUV?
A new car, personal items to bring love and memories to your apartment….sounds like a pretty spectacular weekend!!! Enjoy mom and dad while they are there.