Today was a pretty good day for me. I didn’t get a job, but I did get to spend most of the day with people I care about, and get to do some things I wouldn’t do by myself. It’s days like today that I really enjoy, because they kind of make me feel like I’m normal. I didn’t feel depressed today, really at all. It’s a good feeling.
I spent most of the day with friends. I got to go shop for groceries, grab coffee, get lunch at a local Thai restaurant, watch a couple episodes of the HBO show Newsroom, and go shopping at Forever 21. Since I just got a car, it was nice to get out to a new restaurant, and interesting to head to a shop I would normally avoid. I actually had someone else ask me if I was a cross-dresser because I went to Forever 21, which I found pretty funny.
After a bit of time by myself, I went over to spend time with another friend who has been having a rough time lately. We sat quietly and watched TV, making occasional cracks about bizarre commercials. No deep conversation; not really a whole lot of conversation at all. But it was still comforting to be spending time with a friend. Quality time with friends is one of the things I value most; it doesn’t matter if we’re doing anything important, just being around friends makes me feel physically better.
I wish more of my days were like this. I hope that once I do get a job, I can still spend this kind of quality time with my friends. This isn’t deep, psychological stuff here; I don’t seem to be having huge mental or emotional problems much these days. Mostly, I seem to be going to groups, looking for jobs, and doing what I can for the people I care about. I’m not alone, I’m not isolated, and I’m not feeling like crap all the time. Seven months out of a suicide attempt, I don’t know that I would have predicted this. But things are going well for me; I want to help them go well for everyone else.