Inversion

It’s odd that, now that I am living on my own, I no longer really look forward to weekends. They seem to be the time when I have the most trouble finding things to do and people to do them with. This is, in general, a total inversion of my life up to this point; it was often the weekdays I dreaded and the weekends I looked forward to. I’m not really sure why this is, but it feels pretty strange.

Really, I guess it started back in Menninger. On weekdays, we had groups, and structure, and things to do most days. Sure, a lot of groups were mentally and emotionally intensive and exhausting, but they kept us going and kept us engaged. Weekends, though, had little structure, and while every week we chose outings to go on (usually a movie on Friday night, with something more outdoorsy often on Saturday), many of the Saturday outings didn’t happen because of lack of interest. People just kind of hung around quietly, trying to find ways to pass the time until the next meal. 

Coming to the step-down was somewhat similar. While we kept pretty busy during the week, weekends were spotty; often things planned for the weekend didn’t end up happening because those who expressed interest one day would be uninterested the next. We weren’t forced to go to groups during the week, but usually a good percentage of people did; why weekend activities, which were generally something fun instead of emotionally intensive groups, were poorly attended made no sense to me.

Now, after leaving the step-down, I seem to be in a similar situation. Most of the time I spend with my friends is during the week, and all of my support groups and other appointments are, as well. Once Friday rolls around, I often find myself with little to do, because I don’t know what those who are still in the step-down program are doing over the weekend, and most of the people I know who have left the program tend to be busy with other things.

Now, lest it be thought that I am complaining, I’m not. I actually kind of like some down time. Well, I guess I am complaining, a bit. I keep sending out invitations to come over to my place and hang out – today I was having a Harry Potter marathon, for example. But I seem to have not yet mastered the ideal way to invite people to do things, or better yet, to get invited to thing by other people. Long weekends like this one are a bit annoying, then. I do appreciate the people who do spend time with me, and I enjoy spending time with them. 

I guess I just wish I knew what to do to try and liven up my weekends. I’m joining a gaming group in a week or so, so that may help, and I am going to start volunteering at a local library branch, but I’m concerned that when I do start a job, I’ll spend the week at work, and then spend my weekends trying to find a friend to spend time with and possibly fail.

That’s all thinking too much into the future, though, which is something I really shouldn’t be doing. So, instead, I will be glad that a friend watched a couple movies with me today, look forward to meeting with another friend tomorrow, and try to work on the rest as it comes.

After all, who wouldn’t want to go see Riddick with me this coming Friday? Or, better yet, celebrate the Christmas in September (more commonly known as my birthday) the weekend after that? The next couple of weeks (and weekends) look to be pretty good. So maybe this one is just a fluke. 

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