Man, it has been a confusing day. I got to go see Calla, for what may be the last time before she heads off to her new treatment center; it was a very emotional meeting for me, but I think I managed to keep her from seeing too much. I don’t know that seeing one of her solid supports in near-hysterical tears would do her any good right now, so even though she knows I’m feeling sad, I didn’t want her to see how messy it got.
After I saw her, I got to meet with another friend from Menninger, who seems to be doing really well. She doesn’t love her job, but it seems that she’s doing great physically, and she’s about to move into a new place. She wrote me a very nice Christmas card, and so I was happy to see her again, for any number of reasons. Weirdly, after I saw her I started getting cold.
Now, for those of you who know me, I don’t get cold very easily. After growing up in Nebraska, I’m pretty happy in cold weather; some people refer to me as a polar bear because I don’t even normally bother with long-sleeved shirts until it is under 40 degrees. So when I started getting cold – even though it is around 40 degrees in Houston right now – I thought it was strange. Two pairs of socks, pants, long-sleeved shirt, and a thick blanket later, it was less strange and more extremely uncomfortable.
I started to wonder if it was some sort of physiological response to emotional pain, because that was all I could come up with; I don’t feel sick, my heat is on and working, there seemed to be no reason for me to be cold. So I just curled up on my couch, turned on Netflix, and tried not to freeze my toes off.
I may get a chance to see Calla again tomorrow, after I get out of work, for a bit; it’s not certain, though, because she has an early morning flight on Sunday, and she’ll need to get to bed pretty early to wake up in time. And I have to say, I am feeling the whole emotional gamut all at once and it is weird and extremely uncool. It’s like being sick to my stomach, if my stomach was in my head. I am feeling in so many different directions at once that it is hard to even tell what emotion I feel at any given moment, if there’s only one at a time.
It’s going to be a rough weekend, but I think I’ll live, with a little help from my friends.
Post-script: I’m doing some side work on my old gaming blog, Down and Out: Gaming in Houston. If RPGs are something that interest you, check it out.