Job Hard

Yeah, didn’t mean to imply that my job is overly hard – for the most part, it is just the right degree of hard, at least physically. I’m just happy that the other night, when my general manager pulled me aside on a break to talk to me, it wasn’t because I was in trouble – but rather because he wanted to give me the opportunity to stay on at Barnes & Noble as a more long-term employee. That’s right – after January 5th, I will be a regular Barnes & Noble employee, entitled to vacation (eventually) and everything. It’ll only be 24 hours a week, true, but it gives me time to do other things and have enough energy to actually do some stuff outside of work.

I’m still waiting to hear back from Calla; I heard from her on Christmas Eve, and it didn’t sound like she was doing too well, but I hope that she’s doing better now. I’m worried about her, but that may be just me; I just feel like there is more I could be doing, but there is so little I can do from here and with the communication restrictions enforced by her treatment center. I spend more time wondering about whether I am trying to do too much or not enough than is probably helpful for me.

Honestly, feeling like I can’t do anything to help my friends is becoming a recurring theme over the last few days. I keep hearing things from my friends that make me wish I knew how to help, but I don’t, so even though I tell them I want to help, I don’t know where to start. It seems frustrating for all involved, and so I am trying to find ways to be of more use, but with the topics at hand, it ain’t easy. Saying more than that, though, is not in the cards for now, because the topics I am hearing aren’t mine to bring to light. 

It’s times like these that I wonder how much being a good friend is a part of who I am, or who I am trying to be. It seems to me like I spend a lot of time worrying about the problems my friends have, possibly more than my own; that may be because I think that they’re more important than me – or it may be because right now, my problems, such as they are, just aren’t that pressing. I mean, my depression is under control, I have health insurance for the first time in a year, I have a regular job, and I am living on my own – what do I have to worry about? This is a topic that I need to put some more thought into, and any suggestions, questions, ro comments are welcome.

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3 comments on “Job Hard

  1. Laurel says:

    First congrats on the job front. I can’t imagine all that work and hours during the holidays especially, and I imagine dealing with stressed out people and such. It amazes me how people turn into almost dragonlike with the shopping and their driving gets worse than mine- which alarms me when someone’s driving is worse than mine. Sorry for tangent. That’s all to say that I’m proud of you and we have been working so long to get mentally better that I think at some point we should just sit back and appreciate the huge progress made.

  2. Laurel says:

    One more thing- I don’t know the answer but there appears to be absolutely no ? In my mind in the 10 months that I’ve known you that this issue of pondering and worrying about your friends should be explored. You in particular have been a super friend to me and I can’t thank you enough for your loyalty, support, and patience over
    all my various antics and small and large problems. It’s totally understandable that you are worried about calla and other friends, but it isn’t helpful to anyone in my opinion that it consumes that high of a percentage of your thoughts. I mean, to be frank if I had a penny for every time this issue has come up id be very rich, and I don’t like to see you unnecessarily suffer or experience discomfort. I have similar squirrel cages, but I think it’s really important to keep them to a low roar as you gotta be careful what you let rent space in your head. Easier said than done – got it. So I think you should reach out for answers beyond your brain, as another perspective could help. Course they say my best thinking got me here. Course they say the answers often lie within. Just my 2 cents for what it’s worth. Lk

  3. lynnjsmith says:

    Hi Jamie,

    Congratulations on moving from temporary to permanent status! That’s great news!

    Try not to be the fixer……It doesn’t work too well. Just be there to listen…Try to do something you enjoy. Maybe make a dinner in your crockpot for friends……

    Call us when you get a chance. We would love to visit with you.

    Love and hugs,

    Mom

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