I feel like I should have more to say right now, but there’s not a whole lot going through my head right now – at least, not of importance. I think over the last couple days, I’ve managed to kind of course correct; I think that I was having some issues with medication functioning properly, and it was probably because I missed a day and then had a week or two of taking it at irregular times. IT’s interesting to see how much that kind of things can affect how you act.
Things like that are the times it is really driven home for me that depression is a disease. It’s not just a mental construct, because there’s not really anything in my life that I have to feel bad about right now. There is something actually wrong with the chemistry in my brain, and affecting that too much can really make my behavior erratic. While learning to control certain behaviors and manage others is an important part of my treatment, the medication is just as important – without that, I could know all the CBT and DBT in the world – but without the energy or motivation to practice the things they teach, I would be the same as if I had no knowledge of them at all.
This time of year in general seems to be kind of a downer for a lot of people. Several of my friends are having rough times, and some just seem to feel more overwhelmed than normal. Some of the people I talk to regularly seem to have dropped off the map, but I hope that’s a temporary situation. Right now, that I’m feeling a bit more in control, I’m really reading through this Star Wars: Edge of the Empire Beginner’s set and thinking about finding a small group to play through it with.
So, I think things are back on track, and while I know there are things I can’t change, there are also things I can, and knowing the difference between them is important.