So, as the title may give away, today is Calla’s birthday. It’s been a rough couple weeks for her, and I thought she could probably use some birthday fun. She’s been working at a local Girl Scout camp this summer, and so I had planned to bring her cake, flowers, and some other odds and ends while she was working, but she ended up leaving the camp (not ominous, but not my story to tell), and so she ended up having a bit more freedom on her birthday than I had anticipated – which turned out great, as far as I know, for everyone. When I saw her, and surprised her with the flowers I brought, the way her face lit up – you can’t buy that kind of joy. We then went to go tour the Johnson Space Center here in Houston, before meeting up with her family for dinner, cake, and presents. . She seemed to really enjoy spending her birthday with people she cared about, and who cared about her, and even though I might not know exactly where we are relationship-wise, seeing how happy she was made everything worth it.
I care for Calla a lot, and like I’m sure I have mentioned before, our first (and thus far, only) date back in March made me feel higher than an astronaut on cocaine. I was disappointed when she wanted to back off from that, though I understood why she would want to do that; that mess of feelings that you experience right after getting out of treatment is hard to unravel, and a relationship on top of that would be hard to work with. I’m still not sure where we are, though I keep hoping for the best; I’d like to at least try some kind of dating relationship, just to find out if friends is all that can work for us or if there is something more there. It’s the not knowing that really gets to me; not knowing whether you’re in or out, up or down, hired or fired, can be one of the most nerve-wracking and terrifying situations I know, because that uncertainty means there is almost constant worrying and stress – will my next decision/word/gesture be the one that finally puts me in one camp or the other? But hey, that’s worrying for another day -right now, I’m just happy that Calla enjoyed her birthday.
In other news, I started the My Fit Foods 21 Day Challenge on Friday, and man, is it rough. I had to stop my caffeine intake (which, for those of you who know me, is like masochism), and I can only drink water (except for a kind of gross cocktail I have to drink every morning – unsweetened cranberry juice, apple cider vinegar, liquid B12, and lemon juice mixed with water). I eat three small meals and two snack every day, and so far they have involved rather a lot of celery. I’ve managed to choke it down, but I wouldn’t say I like it. I get one ‘cheat meal’ a week, which I had tonight. But much of the food I’ve had for the diet, which is all pre-made and sold at the My Fit Foods stores, is actually quite good. Spinach and chicken enchiladas for lunch yesterday – and the chicken nuggets with cauliflower hominy for dinner – were really good. So while it’s tough going, I think I can keep this up. If nothing else, the amount of water weight I lose through this will probably be big, because last night at work I was sweating like crazy.
So, I’d say it’s been a good week, and I hope that there is more to come. But right now, I’m just going to put my feet up, relax, and maybe do some reading. That’s all for now.