I’m sitting here reading an e-mail, and realizing how close my insecurities have come to ruining – and which may still ruin – one of my closest friendships. I know that I’m insecure, and I don’t want to be, and I don’t want to lose my friendship or my friend because I drove them away. So I need to work on changing some things in my life.
The problem is, I’m not really sure what. Nothing I’ve read has prepared me for this; nothing that I remember from my treatment has made this something I know how to fix, or even where to start. I know that knowing I’m insecure is a first step, but the problem is that, metaphorically, after I take that step, I can’t see where to go from there.
On the one hand, I feel like I might throw up because now I may be losing a friend for good when only a year ago I would have thought we couldn’t be much closer. But There’s also a kind of sense of relief in knowing what my part in this might be, and knowing what I need to focus on – at least, focus on first – to try and mend things. Maybe it’s just bent, not broken, and that just means it can be slowly bent back.
So, I guess what I am asking my readers is this – do you know of any resources (books, online articles, people to talk to) that are reputable and could help me to try to confront and deal with my relationship insecurities? I know that my friendship, in its current stage, is in kind of a limbo space. And I won’t really have a chance to work on that until after I go back to St. Louis in November to help figure out what my parents will be able to take with them when they move. So I have about three weeks to show my friend that I’m making a good-faith effort to try and fix things on my end. Ordinarily I’d probably make some sort of joke about crowdsourcing ways to help my insecurity, but that would just be me avoiding the reality here.
I could lose a friend, and I don’t want to. So if you have any helpful things you can tell, show, give, or demonstrate to me, I’m asking you to let me know.
My first search gets me this: Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships