It’s been over a month since my closest friend was lost to me, and there’s been a lot of sadness and grieving on my part. I don’t think I’ll ever understand what led her to her choice, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop considering her a friend, even if she no longer does the same. But I think the time has come to move on. There’s no going back to the past, even if I wanted to revisit the happier times we shared; there’s only moving forward, and hoping for better. I figure a new year is the perfect time for that.
I don’t know what the new year will bring; soon I’ll be taking the GRE and sending off my application to grad school for my MSW, and hopefully I’ll get in. I want to expand my social circle as, well, since I know another close friend is about to leave Houston. While I enjoy the group of people I currently game with, I want to see if perhaps I can reach out and find some others to play with, a more regular crew that can meet most weeks at a set time. And maybe, if I can find someone who likes me, I’ll try the whole relationship thing again. Maybe I’ll get lucky and find somebody who actually wants to be with me, and that would be a blessing indeed.
I really have no idea what the future holds for me. I know that I will continue my struggles with mental illness; that will never go away, but I will continue to manage it. I hope that I’ll be able to do something for others, if only a few others, going forward, so I’m going to try and find some other good reading on mental illness to get into. Hopefully it will result in some new topics for posting about here, because as you might have noticed, my posting has been pretty sparse lately. And hopefully, with the losses I’ve had to deal with over the last year, this year will be a year of gains instead (the good kind, not like weight gain).
So, whatever the future holds, I guess I’ll be facing it and trying to look on the bright side. Let’s hope it helps.