So, it’s been almost a month since the last time I posted anything. In that time, there have been doin’s a-transpirin’. I went to Omaha to become my niece’s godfather (though, sadly, there were few Godfather jokes made). It’s weird, because I find most babies terribly annoying, but my niece is just really cute. Also, I took the GRE again, for the first time since I got out of undergraduate college. For only having a little over three weeks to study and plan, I think I did pretty well. I’m waiting to receive the score report in the mail right now, so I can finish off my grad school application and then begin the agonizing wait to find out whether or not I get in. No pressure there, right?
Much like last year, I’m trying a diet thing to try to lose some weight; I don’t know why, but I’ve been feeling very self-conscious lately, and I’m going to try and change that. So starting tomorrow (well, it’ll be today when I post this), So I’m going to try Nutrisystem, and see how that works out – not that I disliked My Fit Foods, but it was more expensive, so if this can do the same thing for less, I think I’d prefer that.
I’m going to try to get back into reading some books on psychology and therapy; I’ve been kind of out of touch in that area for a while, and it’s been bugging me. I think a lot of that has had to do with my mental state over the last two months; losing Calla as a friend hit me really hard, but I think we were both coming at our friendship from different places, and it just couldn’t work out. Part of it probably came from the fact that my social support system is so important to me; I won’t say they’re the main reason I can manage my depression, but they are certainly a very important part of it. And when things get bad for me, I go to the people in my support network and try to talk things out. That might be overwhelming at times, especially if other people are having issues of their own, but I try to reciprocate as much as I can. But we were in two different places, wanting different things, and so it didn’t work out.
Honestly, I keep trying to move on, and I think I’m getting there slowly, but things keep popping up that make it harder. Most days go pretty well, but there’s usually about one night a week where I try to go to sleep but just sit there wondering what could have been, or sit on the couch really wanting to talk to her. I know getting in touch with her is probably not my greatest idea – she was the one who said she no longer wanted to be my friend, so if there’s going to be any further contact, she should be the one to initiate it. That makes sense, right? But still, there are times when I just miss talking to her. She was an important person in my life, and I let her in more than most people, and that emptiness still hurts. And I know that the only thing that can really fill that emptiness is time; trying to fill it with food, or buying things, or other nonsense will just make me more miserable in the long run.
On the upside, my gaming group is still going – though they may regret that, because at our last meeting they did contribute to the resurrection of a dead serpent god, and serpent gods? Not really the nicest deities. Between that and the cabal of elven drug-dealers, they’re making quite a rogue’s gallery. And that’s not even counting the stuff I haven’t hit them with yet. Mine is an evil laugh (and hey, according to Wizards of the Coast, the owner of D&D, February is Dungeon Master Appreciation Month, so appreciate your DM, players!).I’m also trying to start a regular game at a nearby game store, so I can hopefully keep expanding my social ties. I’m open to online gaming, too – it might be a cool way to keep in touch with some old friends from college or grad school, and I’ve been trying out the Final Fantasy MMO, Final Fantasy 14, to spend some time chatting with an old friend.
So in the next couple of weeks, hopefully I’ll be back to reading through some good books – I have one on the psychology of happiness on deck – and trying to work my brain around them here. Maybe I’ll have some amusing gaming anecdotes, and hopefully – fingers crossed – once my application gets in, I’ll be accepted to the social work program at University of Houston. And who knows, maybe I’ll find some cool new people to hang around with, as well as the cool people I hang around with now.So, we’ll see how things go. But this is my notice that I’m back.